So just when I think I have this whole dating thing figured out, I quickly find out that is not the case, AT ALL! I have created this air of confidence, which I really believed in, that says, “I am great and there is no way some guy can knock me off my square!” Well, right now my square is looking more like a triangle and I am teetering at the top trying to regain balance.
I have met, randomly while not looking, a guy that I really like—even though I hate to admit it for fear of sounding like a schoolgirl. When I first met him, I expected it to be a very casual friendship, but he has worked his way into my daydreaming so I know I’m in trouble. See, it hasn’t been all that long but our time together has been that good. When we part ways, I always anticipate our next date. He is crossing things off my checklist left and right. Cute—check! Smart—check! Funny—check! Successful—check! Family Oriented—check! No Kids and Straight—check CHECK!!! So even though I want to employ some nonchalant behavior towards this man, I can’t! I WANT HIM! Yes, I said it! I want him to myself for as long as I desire!
So here comes the issue, when do I allow these thoughts and feelings to be known? My whole life I have worked on timelines. Right now, me fancying him the way I do is not scheduled to happen until early-spring 2011. Plus, I vowed to not hype myself up over mere potential again. I am only interested in potential realized. And on top of it all, when I asked one of my married friends how she hooked her husband—they had a whirlwind romance that lead to an engagement in under a year—she told me that she was just that cool ass chick with him. She liked him, knew he was ripe for the picking, but she kept her composure at all times.
I am not one for games. If I like you then I want you to know it and if you like me back you are excited that I told you! However, her comments make a lot of sense. This man has told me what he wants out of life. These things include a wife, 2 kids, and a financially comfortable lifestyle. I want these things too and I am exactly his type from what he has described. He has also let me know about his timeline. He would like to be engaged by the time he finishes his residency which is in 2 years. So now that all the cards are on the table, I just have to make sure I get my books by playing smart and using my trump cards correctly. I cannot get ahead of myself.
With the New Year quickly approaching, I am starting to get that itch again—that another-year-closer-to-spinsterhood itch. I am yearning for something new and substantial, but sometimes when I get that taste for blood, I tend to salivate while readying myself to pounce upon my prey but if they see me, they’ll run before I can catch them. I don’t want to do this to him. I think we could have something significant if I can just BE COOL!!! If I can just continue to show him that easy breezy side of me he is so attracted to—that side that has caused him to refer to me the coolest woman he knows, that side that makes him call every single day and that entices him to drive up and down the highways to see me at every given turn; if I can just continue to stay even keel with my emotions, then I know that I can get him and keep his attention.
But, the question remains, how do I tame my anxiety when everything I want is within sight but just far enough out of my grasp to drive me crazy and have me all flustered inside? I have no good definite answer for this but what I do know is that men like women who are lighthearted, low on drama, can roll with the punches in and out of the sack, and who can let her hair down and enjoy a good beer and a good game from time to time and is sexy to boot! I can show him all those things if I just resist the need for speed and BE COOL!
Thank you for taking this journey with me!
—The S.B.
