So as you know, I’ve been happily dating for a while now! Nothing too serious with any one person but just dating in general. And actually, the term "dating" may not be broad enough. There’s only one person that I’m seeing with any consistency; that I actually make plans with and carve out time for but there are others that I just “talk to”. You know a little conversation /G-chat here or dinner and a movie there! Very casual, very friendly—nothing physical—just getting to know you! But the reason it’s so causal is because no one is READY!!!
When I say ready, I am talking about ready to lock it down and create something special. All of them talk about love and wanting a wife someday, etc…but none of them are actually ready to DO anything to about it—and I am baffled by this. Now see, please understand that I do not date young boys. I date men, over thirty! Now the young ones are fun and cute and I do have fantasies of becoming a PUMA…but I digress, I date men 30 and over because I expect them to be stable and pass that playboy state. But boy have I been wrong! Almost every man that I know, just friend or future foe, all sing the same damn song—I’m just not ready for a girlfriend right now! And to that I say, “What exactly are you waiting for?”
Seriously, I understand that some mean may be at a crossroads. They may not have a job in this tough economy, just got out of a long term relationship, or they are working out their sexual orientation—and to those men I give a pass! Do you! Go ahead and get yourself together! But for ALL of the other over 30, single, employed, straight brothas out there with a good woman waiting in the wings—What are you REALLY waiting for?
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a theory on this! I say to my girls all of the time, You have to catch a man when his light is on (SATC reference)—just like a cab, but you better be on the lookout for that busted wheel and bent up fender! These men out here are riding their singleness until the wheels fall off!
Think about it, men love women; better yet they love the attention they get from women! As long as that attention is coming in droves, they are not fixing to settle down. Men that I have conversed with say things like, “I’m waiting until at least 35 to get married.” Why? Do they think that miraculously by that age they’re going to be tired of "new booty"? No, it is because they know by that age they are less likely to be getting the same attention! They are waiting until the 11th hour of their sexy! They are not waiting until the well of beautiful women runs completely dry, but they are waiting for the trickledown effect! These men know when they are not getting as many numbers as they once were on Friday nights! They notice when that handsome young 23 year old stud, who may even play in the NFL, starts to pluck from their tree. This is when they get scared and realize they can’t have ‘em all! <--Drake done lied to them!
So to put it bluntly, these men are waiting until they get FAT, BALD, and/or just plain UGLY before they hang it up! I know some will disagree but I have a prime example. This guy, big time playboy and local IT man about town, that I used to be head over heels for has recently started contacting me again. I thought that it was odd when he called out of the blue but I was happy to hear his voice. We decided to meet up for cocktails, and as soon as he came around that bend, I saw exactly why he was so eager to catch up with me! He looked old enough to be his own father! He had gained a few pounds in the abdomen area, was clearly suffering from male pattern baldness that he had the audacity to try and hide with a comb over (black man no-no), and he was graying in the beard! Now to understand how disturbing this is and how hard it must be for him swallow, you have to understand that this man has been FINE his whole life! Never had a problem with the ladies, was prom king, most popular, class president and homecoming king in both high school and college. When I was hanging on to his every word about 5 years ago, just hoping he would choose me to be his girl, he told me that he wasn’t settling down until he was 40. Well now that he is in his early 30s but looking more like 45, he has changed his tune!
See, not to pat myself on the back but I am appreciating with the years and so are many of my girls! While we are growing into our grown woman sexy fashionista selves, (MAC, fly party dresses, and regular trips to the salon) some of these men are getting cornered in a dark alleyway by Father Time! And when that happens, that is when they want to start grabbing on to the women who have loved them through all of those BS mackadocious, I-don’t-want-a-girlfriend-right-now years! But is that really fair to us! Why do we only get him after he has lost his hair, lost his six pack, and lost his teenage, barely-legal girlfriend? But has gained 2 kids, an ex wife, crazy baby mama, family court debt, overall drama and a grumpy disposition! Ain’t that some ish!!!
But there us women are, open arms and loving that man, whenever he is finally ready! Damn, men got it good…
Thank you for taking this journey with me!
—The S.B.
