Pacta Sunt Servanda (Promises Ought to be Kept)

So, I’m thinking about suing my EX for breach of our relationship contract! I know you are thinking that I am crazy but hear me out.

I have been studying contracts pretty heavy for the past few days. The more and more I read the more I thought about him! Especially when words like 'future', 'promise', and 'commitment' kept popping up. These are words that we often exchanged during our time together. And more importantly, we said them with smiles in anticipation of our life together in years to come.

My Ex had promised me a future together. The terms of our relationship were as follows...Since we were long distance, we committed to a schedule of visitation. We had drawn up a plan to visit each other bi-weekly. Every other visit he would come to see me. This schedule was to last for 1 year. At which time, I would begin to look for employment in his city. The agreement was that I would not move if I was only 'a girlfriend', so we both understood the expectation. When he asked me to commit to being with him exclusively, he expressed his interest in marriage and stated that he would like to be engaged in no more than a year and a half's time. I liked the terms of our contract, so I entered into the agreement and immediately began fulfilling my duties.

As we enacted the terms of our agreement by keeping in daily contact, he literally promised me his maximum effort. He promised to always press through the trying times, and in the spirit of naïveté that comes at the expense of young love, he promised to be the father of my future children; he promised to one day be my loving husband and provider.

After only a few months of commitment, he terminated our contract on the grounds that keeping up his end of the bargain was "too hard". Now that the contract is breached...I am left holding the bag? What are my rights? If contract law is set to protect one's "expectation" interest, then shouldn't he owe me something???? I mean really, I spent money, time, effort, and opportunity cost all in an attempt to not only keep up my end of the deal but to ultimately secure our future.

As, I scrolled through pages of research, I learned that a contract must involve three things: a future plan/action (check...we had that), a commitment (check...we had that) and an exchange of measurable losses (check...I think). I was not sure about what my measurable losses were until I dug deeper. As I looked through the details—the emails, texts, and countless IMs that evidenced , in writing, our contract—I realized that I had a considerable amount of losses and many of them were monetarily measurable:

• Gas for the 3 times I visited ($2.79/gallon; 4 full tanks)—$167.40
• Tolls ($8.40 each way)—$50.40


• Gifts I would not have bought if not under contract (CD-$12.99, Case of beer-$35.00, Wine set-$39.99)—$87.98


• Concert Tickets (artist: Maxwell; $65/ticket, he never reimbursed me)—$130.00


• Work as Bartender/Cook for his Birthday Party ($18/hour for 12hrs)—$216.00


• Little Bissell purchase to remove dog's stain on rugs—$89.99


• Tears and Suffering (I am claiming the half day I had to take off because he broke up with me while I was at work and other miscellaneous retail therapy cost)—$508.23

Now, I know the judge may think that some of these promises are not enforceable! The jury may just chalk it up to any other social agreement gone awry...but I believe I am entitled to the sum of these damages.

Even if nothing comes of the suit, the look on his face will be PRICELESS! He will think about it the next time he starts tossing out frivolous promises! So, since we had a contract...

Mr. Contract Breacher, you are being sued by The Serial Bachelorette for damages in the amount $1250.00...(is that all our relationship was worth? he should just give me that out of good faith)...

YOU HAVE BEEN SERVED!!!

Thanks for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.

The 1 Year Mark!

Yup...it has been one year since I officially became The Serial Bachelorette! I am not sure how to commemorate this moment! Should I be celebrating this occasion or just trying to quietly figure out how I even got here!

Well what I do know is, one year ago today, I broke up with the should-be love of my adult life. I wrote about him in my first blog, 'Stop Fantasizing!'

Now that you read that, there is no need to give him more air time in this post than he has earned! Three month of courtship followed by a pitiful (2) weeks of a 'serious' relationship only gives you a quick blurb! Enough for me to say...I dodged a bullet there, he talked about marriage and kids within the next 1.5 years max...well his current girlfriend is 22! You tell me how serious he was about that? All talk no action!

Anywho, moving right along...I have decided to do my year in review to catch everyone up on my journey from that tough break up to the place I am right now! Single, Sexy, and FREE-ing myself from the confines of my teenage fantasies! It all began in...

August 2009:
The day after my breakup, I get a call from an old friend! He seems to fancy me and he, for the moment, takes my mind off of the break up. He is a good guy but long distance. I decide to keep in touch because I could really use the friendship.

September 2009:
I re-meet a gorgeous guy from several month prior. We exchange information and go out on a date. He claims to 'love' me from date 1. That's weird but he is FINE so I keep in contact!

I, also, employ my 'Fearless' motto and in the spirit of taking charge, I finally cop to having a 10 year old flame that has been burning with a college crush (aka The Flame as I will refer to him from now on)

October 2009-December 2009:
This was a busy month! Old Friend sends for me to come visit him and plans a lovely weekend! It is so nice of a trip that I drive back up there the very next weekend! There is some chemistry but in all honesty the specs of the relationship are too similar to the one I just had with my ex...factor in the distance, and yeah, friendship is the only thing on the menu!

Back at home I have a juggling act...phone bonin' everyday with The Flame and a myriad of experiences with the guys from the Me & My Crazy World and the Double Date blogs!

January 2010:
I have a new lease on my dating life! FEARLESS...I declare 2010 as my year! Things are developing with The Flame, as planned. Even though, he is out of commission until March, due to work obligations, we speak every night and plan to see each other as soon as possible! He does however hit me with 'the disclaimer'! You know the one..."I am focusing on my career right now! Not looking for a girlfriend!" But, yet and still, these men want boyfriend privileges...smh...

February 2010:
The Flame has my complete attention. Even though he's far away, no one compares! Period! No one is giving me that giddy feeling but him! That is until a random college acquaintance appears on the scene and begins to pursue me relentlessly!

March 2010-May 2010:
The battle is on between The Flame and The Newcomer! I still want The Flame but The Newcomer's game is strong! Clearly, he's a competitor but nature. After months, I finally meet up with The Flame, and from the moment we hugged and I inhaled his fragrance, I feel the spark, he gives me those butterflies! BUT, his nonchalance coupled with 'the disclaimer' worry me. Unfortunately, I think I have to let him go...no matter how much I want him!

June 2010:
The Newcomer pushes for the relationship! I am not ready but I relent! A million thoughts race through my mind all at once; so loud I can't hear myself answer! Can I make this work? Is he really the one? Am I jumping the gun? Am I settling? I honestly don't know...but, with hesitation, I leap!

July 2010:
Damn! It didn't work! We are not compatible...he's strong 'game' did not cross over to a 'strong' reality! We're over...for good...I think...The Serial Bachelorette lives...

August 2010:
The here and now! Oh boy...it has been one hell of a ride, peppered with so many stories and revelations (that I will share)...

As for me, I currently have a few irons in the fire! I've been asked out on a series of REAL dates, finally, by a nice gentleman. Out of nowhere, The Flame is back in the picture, still giving me those butterflies and I've been fielding calls from a few other prospects...

I guess I am hot again! Go me!

But wait, it just hit me...what time of the year is it again!?! Sh!t! It is almost Fall, I might only be in demand because of those damn Winter Wars...again!

I want thank all of those that stuck with me throughout this 1st year! There are MANY more stories, advice, and off beat opinions to come!

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.

When Love Calls Your Name

A few weeks ago, I went to the beautiful wedding of my close friend that I consider my big sister. This wedding was long awaited for the bride, of course, and for her close family and friends that have been with her through several would-be relationships that never amounted to much.

On the night before the wedding, I got to sit down with her to talk about her fiancé and their courtship, the EX that I thought she would marry, her son, and all the crazy details in between. The question I wanted her to answer most was, “how did you know he was the one?”

In all seriousness, she looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Girl…When Love calls your name…you listen!” She explained that she had built up a wall over the years and he came in and destroyed it! This is hard to do because Big Sis is a beautiful, confident, talented, and sassy woman! She is also bossy as hell! She knows this about herself and when she spoke of their romance she mentioned that in the beginning she had tried to ‘overpower’ him and he quickly but respectfully shut that down. She heard love calling right then.

As she talked, I began to smile. I smiled because I was so happy for her but my smile also disguised the wheels turning in my head. See, as she chatted I was calculating. I was calculating her age against mine, her dating experiences verses mine, her love timeline to mine. And as I listened to her recap and summarize her season, more like ERA, of singleness, I ran the numbers in my head, and came to the conclusion that MY love life is on a similar trajectory as hers; for a moment I was saddened. I know you wonder why I would be sad considering her story is ending with love and marriage, but let consider a few things, shall we…

Big sis is a full 10 years older than me, making her 39! This was her second engagement but first marriage. She has one child, from a previous long term relationship with the man I always thought she would marry. As I stated before, she is a beautiful woman, inside and out, and she is very successful in both her professional and personal endeavors. She is funny, witty, and sociable. And the two of us agreed a long time ago that I’m just like her just 10 years removed! So now that you have this background, maybe you can understand why I was taken aback by the revelation that her path to the altar was a very long one.

Truth is, I DON’T WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR LOVE TO CALL MY DAMN NAME! I am not trying to make a case for settling, but it’s hard to ignore the facts. At the wedding, there was a tradition among friends for the most recent bride to present the current bride with a wedding bell and pearls of wisdom pertaining to marriage. This was very sweet, but the most recent bride was significantly younger than my big sis. Hell, I am pretty sure she was younger than me too! When the recent bride gave her pearls of wisdom, she spoke on how my big sis had actually mentored her and had given her pearls to live by! Isn’t that the way it should be? Shouldn’t the older person be the one speaking from the position of experience? I know this isn’t always the case, but I became uncomfortable with the sidebar conversations amongst the crowd that clearly illustrated that everyone had noticed that my big sis had definitely waited longer than expected to become a MRS; too long by some accounts! The word “finally” was used more that night than the bride and groom’s names combined!

Another thing to consider is the fact that I want children! I want to have them BEFORE I am 35. I realized that that is not a drop dead age but I want to be an active mother. My Big Sis had her son at 34 and I at times wonder if that actually made it easier for her to wait for Mr. Right instead of forcing feelings with the father. I say this only because once she managed ‘co-parenting’ her son without old boy being a husband, she felt no pressure to settle for less than her heart’s desire. I don’t feel I have the option of not worrying about my future partner because I cannot imagine having a baby without a husband. Even though I know in my heart of hearts in can be done since I know some dynamic single moms that sacrifice and make it happen every day! My mother is a testament to that but the truth is, it would have been a hell of a lot easier with some help!

So now I am caught is a conundrum…to settle or not to settle, that is the question! Do I settle with a reliable guy that is cool but doesn’t give me that fever? Do I go with that safe guy that will make a good business partner because I know he will be a decent father and provider? Do I settle down right now with an OKAY guy so I won’t be looked at as too picky and just another black successful unmarried woman statistic? Or do I wait until love calls my name? I believe a case could be made for either. People have gotten married for less right…

But as I seat in my pew, I was brought to tears after hearing the vows that Big Sis prepared for her husband promising not only to love and keep him but to love his children as her own, she trusts him and is willing to follow him to the ends of the earth. She thanked his mother for raising him to be a loving, caring, devoted, and passionate man! At that moment, I had the answer! I had witnessed pure unadulterated LOVE…and I’d wait forever for that…

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.

Women 'Say When' to Sex, Men 'Say When' to the Relationship

After a brief courtship, and I use that term loosely, with this guy I was seeing...I'll call him Fun Times, I had a rather profound conversation with my very close girlfriend, The Doc. I could not understand why this guy was so adverse to any mention of commitment and relationships! She told me to think about this concept—Women, for the most part, get to decide when it is time to have sex and Men, get to decide when it is time to be 'in a relationship'! This really resonated with me because I had never quite thought of it that way but, in my experience, it has proven to be very true.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder what comes first. Traditionally, you would believe that a solid relationship should lead to sex. However, if you are brutally honest with yourself, you know that this concept is becoming increasingly more antiquated. This is the typical, Chicken before the Egg dilemma. How do you achieve the relationship before the sex, when some men won't get into relationship without a sex 'test drive'? How do you achieve the relationship before the sex when so many women have been taught to believe that good sex is the way to get him and better and more frequent sex is the way to keep him?

On the flip side, if you subscribe to this 'Say When' concept, then the way women covet their bodies and sex is equal to how men covet their time and commitment to relationships. So, a woman continuously 'encouraging' (aka pressuring) a man to make a determination on the status of their relationship is the equivalent of a man pressuring a woman for sex before she is ready! In this society, we deem a man like this to be a villain! He would be an insensitive JERK! But what do we call the woman, who has the same level of intolerance?

This is a heavy concept because I sit on the fence. When I was hanging out Fun Times, we would talk about the idea of relationships often. He made it clear to me from the very beginning that he was not necessarily looking for a relationship right away. He wanted to have fun and see where that takes us. I agreed with him about having fun and moving slowly. However, I also let him know, with assertiveness, that this, in no way, means that he gets an infinite amount of time to make a decision. But, if he in turn said to me, "I am okay with us waiting awhile to have sex but I'm not going to wait FOREVER!"; would that have been okay? Or would it have sounded inconsiderate and more like a warning or even a threat? Hmm...

As the friendly 'dates' start to add up, Fun Times seemed to get more touchy feely. The innocent pecks became deeper kisses and eventually he just put it out there that he wanted me naked and he wanted me naked NOW! So, what better time than that to discuss what we type of 'friends' he wanted us to be. As soon as I mentioned the dreaded R-word he tensed up and somewhat fell out of the mood! He felt pressured! See, he wanted the sex but had no intention of the relationship right then. At that point, I wanted sex too but him not wanting the relationship made me feel like I was giving away free samples in a grocery store. So, he likes the sample but he's just not going to buy today? Maybe he would come back another day but there was no insurance, so we had to pump the brakes! We pumped them because now, I felt pressured to have sex to get him to even consider the relationship. And as I've said before, I am not trying to run up my numbers for nothing! All sex will be on MY terms! (and that is exactly the point)

Since we all want things on our terms, be it sex or relationship...how do we come to an agreement with others? How do we state our intentions without making our partner feel pressured? Can you put a timeline on when you should succumb to a sexual rendezvous or when you should change your status to 'in a relationship'? And who get to choose when time's up?

Thank you for taking this journey with me! Relax, Relate, Release...

—The S.B.

29 Things I Am Just Too Old to be Doing at Age 29!

I was having an IM conversation with my bestie the other day about men, life, work, men...and I noticed that one phrase in particular continued to resurface throughout our chat. Both her and I had used it so nonchalantly at least 5 times each! The words "I am too old to be..." definitely got the most key strokes that day.

My bestie and I are both 29! Both single and we both believe in an idyllic romance leading to love. And We both wanted this yesterday! Unfortunately, it seems to have eluded us in our 29 years.

So our conversation got me to thinking...what are the things that I would have done and/or accepted in yesteryears that I just ain't doing at 29!?!

So I compiled a list of 29 things that I am too old to be doing at some damn 29 years old! They are in no particular order because they all fit the bill!

I AM TOO OLD TO BE...

1. Getting Pissy Drunk—It's just not cute! In your early 20s you can just blend in with other simple ass college students. But now, dancing on the bar to a Justin Beiber song just makes you look like that old pathetic bytch in the club that is past her prime. Men are not fittin' to wife that chick! Plus as I get older my alcohol tolerance seems to drop and I want to remember what my slick mouth said the next day!

2. In 'Text/SMS' Relationships—I am a fully GROWN woman, with some life experience, and I got too much too say for 160 characters! Plus my short txt game is trash and I barely know where the letters are on the keyboard! Look, if you really want to get to know me...call me...better yet, ask me out on a DATE!

3. Not Going On REAL Dates—I am too old for our first date and all subsequent dates to be at my place with a RedBox DVD you got for a $1.00! Creativity is a must! No one is asking for men to spend a milli for dates but can you guys think about it before you ask! Maybe a picnic, ride through the park on bicycles, horseback riding, or a candlelit dinner at a relatively unknown bistro! When we advance in our relationship a weekend at a bed & breakfast. Step your game up!

4. Dating Someone without A Car—I mean what are we doing here? This is not NYC and I live too far outside of the City to be carting you back and forth!

5. Shutting Down The Club—I highly doubt I am finding my soul mate at the 'Sexy Saturdays Pre-Church Jumpoff' anyway, but if I haven't seen a cutie by 1:00 AM...why am I waiting that extra hour for the let out? I need my beauty rest...

6. Discounting Men That Have Children—though I prefer that they don't, at this age it is damn near impossible. So if he can show himself to be a devoted father without having multiple baby mamas or a new born...why not at least considering giving him a chance?

7. Quiet About My Wants and Needs—what do I need to be shy for? I learned that if what I have to say scares you...you just aren't the one!

8. Receiving Phone Calls from Ex or Current Girlfriends—I do not have time to be nobody's mistress! I got too much going on to waste efforts all up on the phone validating somebody else's relationship. Please step to me drama free!

9. Playing Jealous Games—Please be secure! I tell people all the time, if you thought your significant other was fine when you met them, so do other people! If the issue is trust maybe you should find someone new!

10. Waiting By the Phone—If you are interested, you will call! If not, you will get deleted! But I refuse to spend another Saturday night convincing myself that today's the day you'll prove to be a man of your word! NEXT!

11. Sitting on Crates, Eating Off Paper Towels, Drinking Outta Jars—You are a grown man! Get some real furniture and china/glasses/silverware! A matching set is preferred! Thanks!

12. Waiting for Your 'Parents' to go on Vacay before I Can Spend the Night—enough said!

13. Dressing Slutty —Don't get me wrong... I got cleavage and it comes out from time to time but there is a difference between slutty and sexy! Gone are the days of the all black spandex everything! I'm a lady! So I dress the part!

14. With A Man That Doesn't Own A Suit—It's time to grow up! Men don't just go to the gym and bars...they also go to "functions"! Therefore, a 'man' should dress the part!

15. With A Man That Doesn't Even Attempt to Cook—It's selfish and lazy! If you can read and have thumbs, you can pick up a G. Garvin cookbook and attempt a meal!

16. Date A Man That Doesn't Even Know What His Credit Score Is—Romance is intimate with Finance! If you don't know you have bad credit how do plan to fix it? I don't want to have to be your underwriter...

17. Awkwardly Kissed—This is making out 101! Learn to kiss gently and seductively! If you are sloppy and licking my face all willy nilly, I will think you are just as careless with your 'mans and dem' (aka penis &testes)!

18. "Enjoying" Bad Sex—There's no future in fronting! Why do all the theatrics if you are uninspired? At this age, we should be able to talk to our partners cuz faking isn't helping either of you achieve!

19. Embarrassed To Talk About Sex—In this day and age you have to talk protection/birth control; your stance on pro life/pro choice; Gay/Straight/Bisexual; and your turn offs/turn ons! Why get caught out there looking stupid?

20. Believing in blue balls—LOL! I know you men will disagree but obviously it doesn't hurt that bad! Because, you were told you weren't getting any that night but you pursued anyway! If blue balls is real, men would stop dry humping!

21. Listening to Soulja Boy in Your Ride—and all the other wack rappers of today. A man's music collection tells me a lot about his maturity! If it is all b*tches, hoes, and stanky legs we are not compatible!

22. Giving People Multiple Chances—We broke up for a reason! Let's not forget that!

23. Waiting Until You Turn 35—I don't know why this is the magic settling down age for many men. But the older you get, the older I get! Either you want me or you don't! No amount of birthdays will change that!

24. Getting the Run Around—A direct question deserves a Direct Answer! Period!

25. Pretending— I can only be my authentic self...no representative! I wouldn't want you to think I'm a stranger later!

26. Begging—I will state what I want once! Maybe one reminder...after that I'm done!

27. In Competition with Your Boys—I think time apart is important! Please go play ball with your friends! But if I'm always battling Pookie and dem for the shotgun position, I'll suggest you teach them how to ride!

28. Falling for Dumb Logic—I need critical thinkers and problem solvers in my life! There's nothing sexier than a man that has his affairs in order! Please don't use dumb logic and lame excuses for why something simple has not been achieved.

29. Living Without a Plan of Action—I am preparing myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially for my future family! They deserve it!

These are all in the interest of saving valuable time! Please let me know what is on your list!

Thank you for taking this journey with me! Relax, Relate, Release...

—The S.B.

Unfortunately, I, Too, Like the CHASE...

So, I am not proud of this but I must admit it! I, The Serial Bachelorette, at times, like the CHASE too! I like it as much as most dudes I know!

Every woman, well most women, like the thought of being this Bad Bytch that can work her magic on some guy to have him sprung! And no, I'm not just talking about sexually. I mean having him completely enamored with all of her womanliness! The kind of brotha that calls and texts you multiple times, daily! He is rapping to you about your future children! And doodling your names together in his notebook! Yeah, that right there is the fantasy!

**EEERRRK...smoke clears, record scratches to a stop** That ish never really works! It never really works because it ain't sexy! If a guy starts doing that too fast, I am going to think he is a LAME! Like he is so thirsty to get a woman that he will simp out for any girl he meets. It is unfortunate because he his probably a good guy! But sometimes I want to work for it to know that it's real! (if that makes sense)

Let me see if I can break this down for you. See, men want to work for the draws! When a man have to put in maximum effort to get the panty draws, it makes him feel like a Champion once they have conquered! They brag about it to their friends! Hell, they brag about finally getting you to YOU! Example of what "The Champ" may say to you once he's got them draws: [in my Jerome Voice] Yeah Girl! You was playing all hard to get...depriving yourSELF! Ain't you glad you finally let Daddy put it on you! I know you are!
(don't act like you ain't heard some variation of this line before)
All the while he's patting himself on the back and giving himself subliminal chest bumps for a job well done!

A lot of men I've had conversations with have said that if they 'get it' from the word go...they'll take it...but just assumes the woman does that all the time and she was only thirsty for the goods! She could give a damn about him...He's not special!

Well us women, we want the want that same 'special' feeling! We like the chase too! The hunt! But instead of hunting for penis, we are chasing that affection! Chasing that romance! Chasing that fairytale ending! When a guy, that we are attracted to both mentally and physically, seems indifferent when it comes to relationships! For some (dumb ass) reason we perk up! When he is blasé about commitment, that somehow turns us on! We now what to be THAT CHICK that changes all that! We want to be so special that we break down those walls and make him want to change his patterns just for us! This is how us women get our ego boost! This is when 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background turns into 'We Are the Champions' ! That is when we start bragging to our friends about how we got a 'good man that loves him some me'!

And instead of bragging to you about having conquered YOU...we just simple say, "Baby, Can you hold my purse?"

Thank you for taking this journey with me!
Relax, Relate, Release...

—The S.B.

Pretty. Face. Con.

Story Time...

I went back to my old stomping ground this weekend for a wedding! It was beautiful and I was glad to share in my friend's day. However, this post ain't about that!

So anywho, while I was there as luck would have it, I run into this fool I haven't talked to or even thought of in over five years...

Now unfortunately for unsuspecting ladies, the brotha is still fine! He's about 6'4, a muscular 225, and looks like a young Rick Fox! But that's about where the niceties end. His character is despicable. He's an arrogant, pompous, misogynistic, pathological LIAR!

I met him at a popular lounge in the heart of the city! It was a swanky place that was more upscale than other spots I had visited with my homegirl, who just so happened to be 10 years older, so I hung to her every word.

Though the spot was classy, most men there didn't interest me. One night, I walked in, cute dress with just enough cleavage showing to be noticed but subtle enough for any man to consider introducing me to his mom, but I digress. Anyway, when I get in line, I immediately noticed him. Hard to miss his sexy! He obviously noticed me too because before I could even pull out my ID, he grabbed my hand and pulled me and my homegirl out of line pass security. For the rest of the night he bought drinks and appetizers...showing off his Big Willie status.

We had brief spurts of conversation over the music but I wasn't overly impressed. He was handsome yes, but very cocky and sarcastic. Some of his jokes seemed mean spirited and I overall felt like he wanted me to know that I'm cute...but not that cute and he gets what he wants. When it came time to exchange numbers, I was hesitant, but my girl said, "Are you crazy? He's fine! He bought drinks! He's FINE! Stop being so damn picky!!!" That word picky hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I was being extra. I had been living in the city for 3 months, so far he was my most viable option! So I said okay and he set a date!

I thought our first date was perfect! We walk around the Isle and then got ice cream. All in all a nice inexpensive outing. He was a year older than me and he had a managerial position with an IT company and he also managed the lounge on weekends. Plus he had a bad ass fully loaded Saab and owned a house! I wondered how he achieved all this success at such a young age but it made me all the more intrigued.

By the end of our date, he said that we had something special and asked me to be his girlfriend! PAUSE! Huh? Now I was thinking he was crazy and I should dismiss him but 'too picky' played on repeat in the back of my mind. I suggested we date a little while before we make that decision.

He agreed and asked me to go to the movies a week later. When we get to the theatre he conveniently forgets his wallet and proceeds to sneak in. Now I'm really looking at him with the side eye because what "successful" man does this? His stories just ain't adding up. Not to mention that earlier in the week he brought lunch to my job, swore on the bible he made it! But it definitely came from a restaurant frequented. Why lie?

Another week passes and he gets more persistent about us being a couple. When I declined he declared he would not take me on another date until I was his girlfriend. We got into a brief back and forth via text until I just decided this was not worth my time and I went to sleep.

At 2:00 AM, I was jarred awake by the blaring of Beethoven's Symphony #5 in C Minor! See, this is the ringtone I selected for all unwanted calls...restricted, unavailable, and bug-a-boos! In my delirious state I picked up anyway. On the other end of the line, I hear a soft sobbing voice asking if I was the Serial Bachelorette. I reply yes as she proceeds to ask me how I know her boyfriend, The Con Artist. Now my first instinct was to hang up on her cuz I don't like foolishness but she sounded so pitiful that I decided to engage her. She tells me how they got together after a few dates how he has borrowed thousands of dollars from her. I told her the truth about us. We were dating but not physical. He never mentioned a girlfriend. He's a liar, I'm sorry for her, and I will never talk to him again. I hang up and go to back to sleep.

At 7:00 AM, Beethoven is on them keys again! WTF!?! I pick up mad this time! "Is this the Serial Bachelorette? And what is your involvement with my boyfriend" I say, "Look! What do you want now! We have already discussed this! Don't call me again!" Then I hear, "NO, we haven't! That was Angela...the girl who called ME last night...she gave me your number!" WOW!

This is out of hand! Too much tomfoolery for a man that I thought was full of shyt from jump street! But I am curious so I engage her as well. Come to find out, he doesn't have a real job, he sometimes is a bouncer at the club, 'his' Saab belongs to her and she reported it stolen, AND to top it off, he lives with both her and the other girl! again...WOW! At this point, I am lucky that all the Con Artist got me for was an old R. Kelly CD! It was my favorite R. album though...

Sure he called and pleaded his case; says the girls were friends that worked at Nextel and hacked his account to retrieve messages. Sure his lies were more pathetic than his newly homeless self! And sure as hell, from that moment on, I learned to trust my gut! If I would have been blinded by his 1000 watt smile, and let him wife me up from the door, who knows how much he would have tried to shake me down for...Thank Goodness for my well timed skepticism!

When I saw him this weekend and tried to slip by unnoticed, he had the audacity to grab my arm and say, "Hey Stranger! You still got the same number?" I guess the true Con Artist never gives up! Have you been fooled by a pretty face lately...

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

Relax, Relate, Release...

—The S.B.

Don't Want That Tonight...

...or on the regular for that matter!

See, I believe that sex, intimacy, and affection are very important in a relationship. I want to keep my man satisfied and show him that he is appreciated. Plus it feels good and burns calories at the same time!

However, as a woman, it is very easy to lose interest in intimacy when things are not in alignment. See for us, it is way more than just the physical—Sex is essentially EMOTION in MOTION. How we feel directly impacts how we act! We need to feel sexy, wanted, and secure. Those are the things that open the flood gates and once you’ve been in your situation for a minute that’s was what keeps it flowing. When the intimacy starts to fizzle it’s time to take a deeper look!

Here are reasons why I, myself, have lost interest in being intimate with a partner:

1. He Becomes a Man Child—no woman wants this! Especially a woman that doesn't have kids! See, I am looking for a partner to share my life with...chores, bills, and other responsibilities included. When it comes to sharing my domicile, a man not proactively picking up after himself, offering to pay a bill, or buying groceries is unacceptable. If I have to continuously remind/nag my man about these seemingly effortless things, then I begin to look at him like I would a child and then I become mean mommy...and as Miranda of Sex in the City once said, "Who wants to f*ck mean mommy?" And guess what? I don't want to f*ck YOU…no not tonight!

2. He Begins to Take You for Granted—I am not obligated to cook, clean, and service you sexually. Women do these things because they care and want to make their man feel special. Attention to all Men: The more you give the more you get! And please believe the sex will be put on pause when you start getting too comfortable with the routine and no longer recognize your woman's efforts. Fewer things makes me feel less sexy than coming home after work to someone who is already there demanding a hot plate and pawing all over me in the process. Please save your aggressive sexual pursuit for a day when YOU actually cook ME a meal thanks!

3. He Starts Slippin’—Men can slip in many ways…hygiene, general upkeep, minimal romantic gestures, foreplay, etc. When a man starts to sleep on his hygiene that is a big turn off. Like why do some men get in relationships and feel it is OK to wear that same funky armpit stained used-to-be white T-Shirt for days on in. Or why do they think it is now OK to grow that scratchy lumberjack beard and forego weekly barbershop trips…who told you that was cute! Hell if I’m expected to keep it tight—hair done, pedicure, legs shaved, box waxed—why would you think I don’t want the same courtesy? And don’t get me started on foreplay… PLEASE NOTE: Foreplay is NOT just restricted to those few minutes before the 'get down' in the bedroom. Foreplay begins with mental stimulation! You could begin in the AM with breakfast and carry it out with sweet epithets throughout the day! These simple gestures would actually make me want to participate in intimacy exercises with you not just feel obligated!

So fellas, if your sex life is dwindling with your lady maybe you should ask the hard questions. Do I fall into one or more of these categories? If the answer is yes, then might I suggest you step outside of your comfort zone…you gotta do strange for some CHANGE! So go buy those special ‘I appreciate you’ roses on a Tuesday and cook her favorite meal! I am sure the ‘thank you’ sex will be amazing!

Please let me know your thoughts? What makes you feel less than amorous with your significant other?

Thank you for taking this journey with me!
Relax, Relate, Release!

—The S.B.

Baby I'm Back...Again!!!

Hey People! I am back! This time to stay!

I have been reading lots of blogs lately and realizing that this is something I enjoy and I need to get back into the game! As I close the curtains on yet another failed attempt at this elusive thing called love, I recognize that I have had quite an experience with the opposite sex. As I tell my friends stories of my dating woes, they laugh, cry with me, relate, and give advice. One of the most common pieces of advice is that I need to write a book! LOL!

So I am taking their suggestions and doing the next best thing...blogging! I am interested in seeing where this will take me. I am using this as a forum to release and grow. Hopefully my stories will touch you and your comments will help me see various sides of the story.

This blog will be very personal and honest. Because of that, I prefer to protect the privacy of all involved! This will be a little hard to do at times with close friends since they will have heard these stories before and recognize people from the title! LOL! But I will continue to write anyway! I will not use specific names of people or locations but please believe that will not take away from the fun!

So who is The Serial Bachelorette? Well, I am a late 20s single woman who would love to be IN love! Unfortunately, that 'feeling' has eluded me since college. I meet guys fairly easily but it hard work to keep my attention. I know what I want and I will not settle for less. I want a loving husband and at least 2 beautiful children. However, with each year that passes the idea of settling becomes more and more sobering. So what is a girl to do but be patient, wait, stayed prayed up, and chronicle these (mis)adventures so my future husband and I can see how far we've come!

No subject is off limits...sex, money, race, religion, even ugly babies...yeah I said it...ugly babies! So please feel free to leave comments and suggestions! Thank you for taking this journey with me!

Relax, relate, release!

-The S.B.