The Rules of Disengagement

When you divorce the law is there to provide you with guidelines and provisions. They tell you who gets what. What interactions should and should not occur between parties, especially in cases where a third party is involved i.e. children. In high profile divorces, the court can even tell you what you can and cannot discuss following the split. There are people getting in trouble right now for tweeting against the law!

But what happens when there is just a mere break up? Who gets what in these instances? I have come up with some diplomatic, civil, and fair practices to prevent a break-up from becoming even messier than it already is!

Each Parties Rights and Responsibilities are as follows:

#1. Each party is entitled to soley keep the friends that they came into the relationship with, in the event of a break-up (no joint custody).

A. This is especially prominent when one party has only met the friends of their ex a handful of times and is only associated via the Ex.

B. All connections should be terminated unless said party’s relationship with ex friends was clearly established before the break-up (this is subject to the burden of proof)

i. This termination should include idle FB chitchat, attempting to make arrangements to hang out with said friends, and all other strange behavior in an attempt to stay connected with Ex via their friends. Bottom line: If you don’t even speak to your Ex, what makes you think it’s appropriate for you to consort with the friends minus the Ex; especially if the Ex is your one and only lifeline to said friends!

#2. All personal items should be removed from other party’s residence. These items should be returned in good working condition.

A. The party that left the items at the other’s house has the responsibility of making arrangements to retrieve those items.

B. Like many establishments there is a set time for retrieval or items will be discarded (may I suggest 2 weeks)

C. Please note: Retrieval should happen at the other party’s convenience since “forgetful” party no longer has the right to just show up at the Ex’s residence whenever they see fit.

#3. All debts and monies owed should be squared within 2 weeks unless otherwise agreed upon.

A. Why hold on to these debts longer than that? The debtor must ask oneself, Am I drawing this out just to have a reason to contact or see the other person again?

B. Each party should themselves of financial ties because waiting for money will always breed contempt. (In my experience, I prefer to be paid in cash, money order, or certified check!)

#4. There shall be No forlorn, wayward, or indirectly direct FB posts following the split.

A. Neither party is fooling anyone with innuendo. All third parties know what those types of statuses mean and since the splitting couple has been pictured, tagged, and linked together for the duration of the relationship, everyone knows who is being talked about!

B. Please respect the terms of the break-up by keeping it as low key as possible. A low profile will benefit both parties in the long run.

#5. Each party is expected to discretely remove all FB pictures of the two together.

A. There is no need to make an announcement to the masses about this act.

B. There is no need to use Photoshop and put a big red ex through the Ex’s face. The crop feature will work just fine in this instance, use it.

C. The end result will work out in both parties’ favor, cutting down on the, “who is that” question when either party is being FB investigated by a new prospect.

#6. There will be absolutely NO canoodling allowed.

A. The parties cannot, and I repeat CANNOT, create a Friends with Benefits situation with their Ex. Reasons:

i. It is highly unlikely that the two are actually real friends
ii. There is NO real benefit to be had.

B. Canoodling only blurs the lines, especially if one party begins seeing someone new.

C. If one party is hoping to get back together—fine! But do it the right way. One should look at a break-up as the extinguishing of the original relationship contract because— guess what—it did NOT work! The parties should start anew and revisit the place where canoodling was the anticipation!

The idea here is to leave with what you came in with—putting you back in the position you would have been in if you never met the other person at all! That works for me!

Thank you for taking the journey with me!

—The S.B.

***PS: This one is for you ZEN! You didn’t want to reveal your sources but I already knew! ;)

You Got Some Nerve!

As a blogger, Facebook and the like becomes your best friend. While doing my daily Internet rounds, I come across some of the damnedest things. My latest peruse lead me to this topic. Some of these men out here got some big balls with no shaft...figuratively not literally! But for real, they have some audacity!

It seems that as of late, social media has become the preferred platform for men to air their grievances against woman! I have taken a hard look at each of these gripes, and some I wholeheartedly understand, but then I look at the sources from which these complaints originate, and all I can say is, YOU GOT SOME DAMN NERVE!

Now these good wifey guidelines, if you will, are in no particular order. Sidebar: I hate the term 'wifey'—no woman my age is looking to be a wifey, it is wife or bust. That term is childish like calling a grown man Mikey! But I digress! However, I will use the term here because it fits in with the ridiculous.

Please note: The following statements are taken directly out of the mouths of men and I will dissect them for your entertainment!

These men believe that to be a the Good Prototypical Wifey…

1. A woman must go to the gym at least 3 times a week. This is interesting considering most requesting this are hefty themselves! I commend the effort of any man who works out sometimes twice a day but I must ask what he is really doing while there because his results are real slow! Plus, these men eat like crap—fast food, no vegetables! He wants to walk around sporting a woman that has the body of Beyoncé when he’s built like an offensive lineman with way less athleticism and NO money—not sexy! He got some nerve!

2. A woman should take care of herself—be fancy! I like this but where’s he at? He has nice shoes but a bad outfit! He wears corduroy in the summer time smelling sweaty and sour like dill pickles! Is he demanding that she have hair done, nails did, everything shaved!?! That's real rich when he’s sporting a bald spot he refuses to accept, got more dirt under his nails than a potted plant, and has so much body hair it looks like he’s wearing a freaking sweater in the shower! Really, he got some nerve!

3. A woman should show her man that she is motherly. Hilarious! I’m not his mama and I have no kids of my own! I see where he’s trying to go here but he fails. If he wants a woman to cook, clean, and wipe his tears, he needs to ask properly. Asking properly isn't about words, it means being the man he always claims to be! I have no problem catering to a man that is good to me. The problem comes when childish men command this but negate the reciprocal requirements. If I'm reduced to this narrow role of a woman and we are adopting "traditional" roles then he should be doing all the things a man is "expected" to do like paying the mortgage, footing the bill for groceries, amenities, and all utilities. While "Papa" is at it, he mustn’t forget to throw me a few dollars to get my hair and nails done! Thanks! Isn’t that the “fatherly” thing to do? These men with no jobs, unrealistic expectations, and skewed views on what a good woman is crack me up! Deep down he must know he got some nerve!

4. A woman should support all her man’s goals. I agree that a woman should support her man but not blindly. I feel that many men need to revamp their idea of what support is. Just because some chick decides to only give the “rah-rah” cheer before an interview or bakes congrats/better luck next time brownies, he should not confuse that with full support. Support is getting in the trenches and helping him obtain his goals. Support is doing the dirty work and pointing out areas of improvement whilst working with him on those deficiencies. Support is telling him the truth regardless of what is popular. So when a man says he wants a supportive woman, my questions is, “Are you strong enough to handle real support?” The man who wants to be coddled more than he wants to endeavor, he got some nerve!

5. A woman should have a low bed count. Well, well, well we have an interesting one here! I'm all about the virtuous woman but it seems that men forget all their own bed hopping when assessing a woman’s. Sorry to say, ladies bear the burden of the double standard! I have a male friend that freaked out when he found out how many men his girlfriend slept with. He was really into this girl but he told me that he didn’t want to marry a woman with more than 3 partners! But yet he still allowed himself to be her fourth! What a hypocrite! Since we’ve been friends for years, I know all about his whorish past! Hell, he had three partners in 3 days but he has the audacity to try and demoralize this girl because of her sexual past! I understand that men are territorial but that is just plain ridiculous! Unless he finds himself a virgin, which he claims not to want, he will be hard pressed to find an adult woman that fits into his mold! He has some nerve!

Ladies, here you have the short list of "guidelines" that I have complied from our male counterparts. Please believe there are several more with questionable foundations. If you are looking to be the ideal Wifey, follow these “rules” at your own risk! I do not disagree that these are valuable qualities, just make sure you check your sources first! Some men may not be deserving of your efforts...

Thank you for talking this journey with me!

—The S. B.

A Sweet Epiphany: I AM LIBERATED!

So this one is mainly for my beautiful, smart, hardworking, and SINGLE ladies over 25 but really the sentiment applies to all.

The other the day I was having one of my usual conversations with my girl, The Doc. We were doing our typical run down—how is school, work, love life? Did you hear about so and so, etc, etc…but at the end of our chat she says to me, “Girl, I don’t know what it is but you sound different?” I smile and reply, “How so?” She proceeds to tell me that I just seem to have a lot of joy in my voice, like I have a new lease on life…“you just sound so FREE!”

And just like that, an epiphany! I AM LIBERATED!

It has taken me so long to get to this point in my adult life. I’ve struggled through years of insecurity, passiveness, pretending and overcompensating in bad relationships! I’ve wore the crown of Ms. Softee Pants and seen plenty of time pass just standing on the sidelines waiting for something to happen…anything! This relates to both personal and professional aspects of my life!

In 2009, I declared that 2010 would be my year and that I would live fearlessly. That sounded cute at the time but I brought so much of the “same ole” in with the ringing of the New Year that nothing had really changed. Actually it got worse. For some reason I was confined by these thoughts that the age 29 was the 11th hour of my very being. I felt that if I don’t find my husband this year then I never would. If I didn’t start my masters program this year then I am a failure professionally. (I did however start my masters program…thank God!)

Now, I don’t talk about this much, but by the 2nd quarter of the year, I felt myself slipping into a slight depression. I really thought that I was going nuts and all my goals were just out of reach. This overwhelming melancholy was stampeding upon me even with the onset of a new relationship in the wings; a time when most people would be ecstatic. But, as my birthday approached, I became more and more desperate to fulfill my timeline and cross out items on my checklist. However, I masked it with a happy face, keeping my deep rooted fears of becoming a spinster secret.

I had once joked that I was tired of dating and whoever I was with on my 29th Birthday was going to be the one—no matter what! Jokingly I laughed, “Hey, people marry for less so I’m just going to make it happen!” Mind you, this was all in jest…so I thought! But at the first opportunity to make it a reality, I had the audacity to jump! This quickly became a disastrous decision! Not only because we rushed, but because we were just downright incompatible and as he recently pointed out to me during a heated debate, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME, BOSS!” He is right, I don’t know him; I definitely was lead to believe something different than what I got!

Thinking back though, I am so grateful for that misstep and its timing! It was just the wakeup call I needed! Our relationship can be likened to the Jigsaw Killer from the movie Saw, just less gory and insane! I know you are scratching your head but follow me now. Jigsaw, after a failed suicide attempt, experienced a new respect for life. He then set out to put others through trials to help them appreciate their own lives by trying their will and testing them with their very own perceived flaws.

I hope you are still with me because, to me, this makes perfect sense. My biggest flaw in relationships is letting my fears and pressure to uphold timelines blur my focus. Our situation came at a time when I was the absolute most fearful and skeptical of my future. Unfortunately for us, there were significant downfalls during our interactions with one another. But fortunately for me, those pitfalls showed me exactly what I would not and could not settle for. I was on the brink of giving up my heart’s desires just because I was getting too old? Too tired? Too scared to wait for what God has in store for me. That is unacceptable!

But somehow, I was pulled out of the haze and faith was put on my heart! I know that my husband will find me as he should and God will ordain the rest! I know this because I am no longer walking by sight. So with that revelation I am finally FREE!

I am genuinely happy in this, my moment of singleness! It is noticeable and refreshing! And ladies, please know that Liberation is so attractive! It must be because as soon as I freed myself of many insecurities, became assertive, and learned to enjoy my beautiful life—I met someone! Now I refuse to rush this thing we’re developing or come to any conclusions! But I can say I’m content with the friendship and having the time of my life! He most definitely contributes to the type of courtship I’ve dreamt about as a youngster! (Next month—Hot Air Balloon! Who knew men outside of TV thought of that!)

So here I stand—LIBERATED, HAPPY, PATIENT! I implore all my ladies that are currently in the place I was a few months ago to Liberate yourself! Throw out the pressure of timelines, baggage, doubts, or any other constraints that keep you from living life to the fullest!

Remember Single Season:

§ Is a time to really get to know yourself.
§ Is a time explore your options .
§ Is a time to reevaluate and validate someone’s position in your life! No validation, you must find
the strength to say goodbye!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Step out on faith! Single is not a death sentence (even at 25+)…It is just the start of something great! Liberation is calling you!

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.

So Long Ms. Softee Pants!

"Hello. My Name is The S.B. and I am a Softee Pants!"
and for my fellow Softees out there, please relpy, "Hi S.B."

This is hard for me to admit because I pride myself on being no nonsense. I DON’T TAKE NO CRAP…so I thought…

But, upon further review, I have some pushover tendencies and I do not like it! I know somewhere, my best girlfriend, The Doc, is reading this with that, “I told to so” smirk. But the first step to recovery is admitting that you have an issue.

My issue is that I struggle with being the bad guy. No matter what, I don’t want to be looked at as this crazy bitch that ruined everything. If any of you caught the blog I wrote last night, you will notice that today it is gone. The blog was aimed at an Ex of mine that is sending me subliminal hate through innuendo on FB and other social mediums. But, I removed it because it was written out of anger and not representative of what I want to be about. Even though, every word was true, I removed it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But why do I care?

Though, I still feel it was the right thing to do morally, my initial thought was more about looking like a mean girl. It is easy to be seen as an evil tyrant when you are in a position of power. When he and I ended, he still wanted us to give it a go and I was the one that resisted. I knew that he wasn’t the one but instead of saying that firmly, I conceded to his wants and agreed to the “let’s take a step back in hopes of moving forward” approach. That wasn’t what I wanted but it made him more comfortable with our break and the plus was I didn’t look like the villain. This would have worked too, until he wanted to become friends with benefits…but that is a story for another time.

This Softee Pants problem has been plaguing me for years. There are countless occasions where I have found myself in peculiar situations because I didn’t want to come off a certain way. A few of these situations stick out in my mind vividly.

I found myself dating a man, whom I questioned his sexuality, about 6 months longer than I should have. I couldn’t break it off because he expressed that he was “so in love” with me and I didn’t want to break his heart—again in a position of power. The consequence of staying was that I was unable to “love” him the way he wanted and he ended up becoming verbally abusive because of it and for a while, I feared him. It should have never gotten that far.

Another incident where I let this innate need (aka SofteePantness) to protect the male ego take me over, occurred when I continued to date a guy after 10 months when he couldn’t perform at all in the bedroom (complete stage fright). I didn’t want to make him more nervous by continuously bringing up my concerns, so I laid back and waited for him to initiate the conversation. When that never happened, eventually I grew disinterested. By the time I was ready to move on, he was more into me then ever and Softee Pants me, wasted more time by hanging in an extra 1.5 months because I didn’t want to “destroy” him while he was going through tough times. When we made our finally split it was not on good terms. He hates me because he feels I left when he needed me most. This may have been avoided if I had been less yielding when the problem first began to persist…

You would think after all these years I would have learned my lesson. But even in 2010, I still struggle with this issue of being the bad guy. Hell, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I got into a relationship too soon with someone because it is what HE wanted. I wanted more time—more time to explore, date, and get to know him. He wanted the relationship right now, right now. We were on vacay with 5 days left when he asked me to be exclusive—how could I say NO at that juncture! But I should have because here we are today—me not speaking to him and him using FB as a launching pad for his Kanye Heartbreak and 808s Hate Campaign against me.

I am now learning that it is not “nice” to be Mrs. Nice Gal at the expense of honesty. I have hurt people, myself included, by trying to spare feelings and save face—convincing myself that I can adapt to the any situation as long as they are happy. Regrettably, that never works! You have to make yourself happy first!

I think the hearts of the Softee Pants types are in the right place. But we all know that the path to destruction is usually paved with good intentions. My intentions are intact but my methods need improvement, so from this day on, no more Ms. Softee Pants! I now prefer to be called Ms. Do-the-Right-Thing!

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.


***PS: The pic is just for you Doc ;)

The Kissing Game

I have been dating this guy for the past month now. So far we have been on 10 dates…yeah 10 dates! Real ones at that! We’ve been bowling, to the zoo, a comedy show, amusement park, and a festival in the park to name a few. These dates have all been his idea and he takes charge of the planning, transportation, and, most times, the bill! [I’ve paid on a few occasions because so far, he deserves it—topic for another blog]

Of course, like with any new friendships, I have some concerns which I will also address in a later blog. But for right now, I am having fun! So much so, that I really want to move slow and savor each moment. Being that I just came out of a situation, I do not want to complicate things sooner than necessary. This leads me to the point of this post.

Is it weird that we have not kissed yet? Am I moving too slowly? What if we go for it and he is not a good kisser? And, once you have kissed someone, doesn’t the following question inevitably become “what’s next?”

I can sense that he really wants this kiss, but I am extra shy about it. There is a lot of pressure surrounding this rather simple act of affection. I like where we are right now; our connection is so pure and innocent. I am not ready to make the tough decisions that follow once things get physical. I am concerned this little disply will open the flood gates and I will be thrust into something complex. Like Ryan Leslie says, “Once the freakin’ begins, that’s the end of the innocence.”

Maybe this seems elementary. I’m sure some of you are probably thinking C’mon S.B.! It’s just a Kiss! It’s not that serious! Well, unfortunately, at this phase of my life, it is for me! Let’s break a few things down shall we! These are reasons why I am hesitant:

1. I am not particularly big on kissing. Well, let me clarify, I am not big on mouth-to-mouth action with just anybody. The mouth gets around and can be dirty. When I am doing some serious DNA swapping, it is very intimate; I am exchanging a major part of myself! I like to kiss fresh mouths, with soft lips, that haven’t been pressed against several people I know. If any of these things are in question, I am easily turned off.

2. He finds my coyness to be sweet and intriguing…for now. I find that men try harder to thrive in an environment where they are presented with a challenge. Giving into him too quickly may make him lose interest but so could dangling the carrot for too long. This is balancing act I must master. I want us both to get what we want, but in a timely fashion suitable to our needs.

3. He brought up the topic of the “perfect kiss”. He said he never had a Hustle n Flow/Taraji n Terrence type of kiss. If I have, I can’t remember it. But the perfect kiss for me is passionate—sweet but firm; more lip than tongue. What if he is sloppy or rushed? I would hate to second guess our connection at this stage because he is a poor performer. I believe you can find a lot of clarity in a kiss. Plus, if the intensity of our kissing reaches the movie status, what would prevent him from attempting to lay me down? Will shear will-power be enough to stop me? Leading me to my next point…

4. How long (measured in months and days) can I really expect to be kissing up on this man and heavy petting until some sex or expectation of sex is going to be had? Dry humping and getting all worked up for nothing is for teenagers. At this age, why put myself in this situation if I’m firm on my intentions. And speaking of intentions…

5. Sex or even the discussion of sex will always bring up the topic of monogamy! I am in no rush for that considering I am still in casual dating mode, still flirting with The Flame and lightly entertaining the pursuit of an old homeboy, The Artist. Right through here, it’s just not looking like I will be ready to “get busy” anytime soon nor am I looking to call yet another man I’m unsure of my boyfriend. Plus, I have a ‘one penis at a time’ rule and in this instance, I am, kind of, still holding out for a fantasy romp with The Flame. He has been on my bucket list of sorts since 1999! [only half joking...lol]

Hopefully, now you understand with I’m at an impasse. My hang out partner extraordinaire saw me and Mr. 10 Dates together the other night. We both noticed how much attention he gets from the ladies and with a side eye, she told me not to rush to any conclusions. Just have fun and go with the flow. Doing what I feel is right should lead me in the right direction. Good advice, but I know I don’t have forever before the stream dries up! In an attempt to live without walls, maybe I can give a little. *kanye shrug*

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.

'Cure' the Lazy Man

From the title, you know this post is going to be controversial! Men are going to completely hate it but as they say nowadays…It is what it is!!!

In all honesty, I am not a fan of the word “training” when it comes to a man. It makes him sound like some kind of a pet and no real woman wants a sappy little puppy! A Real woman wants a helpful, thoughtful, proactive MAN!

With that being said, there has got to be some type of “cure” for the deliberately indolent couch potato! So when asked, ‘Can you really cure a man of that terrible disease called laziness?’ My answer remains, ‘I don’t know but I sure as hell will try!’ [mischievous smile]

PLEASE NOTE: These methods should be attempted only after you've had a sit down, adult-to-adult discussion about the indiscretion(s). Attempt this after lightweight pleading via the reminder system. Attempt these methods after you've gotten mad and nagged him half to death! And if the problem still persists after you've tried all of this…it's about time to bust out the Big Guns!!!

And thus the social experiment begins…

Situation #1: THE DON’T GOT HIS OWN GUY
He is the guy that comes over to your house and uses up whatever you got! For instance, he might not normally drink Gin, but if you got it, it’s his favorite! He likes Heineken, you got Corona, nooo problemo! He ‘don’t do pork’, but if you fry it up, all of a sudden, bacon’s yummy! Whatever it is that you got, He Likes! And he will use it up, cause well, it's free and convenient!

My Experience: I have dated this guy before! My most recent encounter was with a guy, I was seeing exclusively, that lightweight moved in on the sneak tip, staying way longer than the short visit I had anticipated! As time passed, I noticed that I was replacing my Dove soap way more rapidly than normal! Looking into his packed bag, I noticed nary a tube of toothpaste, bottle of lotion, or deodorant! So what was he planning to use? You guessed it...my stuff! And for the record, he is a BIG guy—stocky, tall, and grizzly bear hairy! How the hell did he think that Citrus Ginger Moisturizing soap and deodorant was enough to knock out MAN FUNK! But he didn't care! It was there...so why not! I can't even begin to list all the other household items, food and beverage he ran through without even thinking to replace!

Possible Cure: If you are in a relationship like this. I suggest that you get a shower caddy, like back in those college days! Put all of your favorite things in that caddy! Make sure that when you leave the bathroom you remove the caddy and store it away, out of sight! When he goes to take his shower, he will be S.O.L! He'll have to fend for himself with hot water and a paper towels! Maybe after he wears that funk for a few hours, he will think to get his own toiletries! Note: This can work in other areas too! You will have to commit to hiding things around the house, which sucks for you—believe me, I know! But, if you want to cure him of his dependency, you will have to push the bird out the nest and see if he prospers!

Situation #2: THE HANSEL/GRETEL GUY
This is the guy that leaves sh!t everywhere he steps! Tell-tale signs that "He Was Here" are everywhere! He leaves clothes, food, and just mess all over the place like he is leaving a trail to find his way...out the damn door! Dirty dishes can be found in the most obscure places like under the bed or in the garage! WHY!?! How hard is it to throw used wrappers and containers away? Why leave empty bottle in the refrigerator? This right here is Grade A Laziness! You find yourself following down behind him picking up crap! All the while trying to stifle the colossal 'cuss out' you're on the verge of giving and asking yourself if this is the life you want?

My Experience: I once dated a man that was just disgusting when it can to this! I would find offensive smelling undergarments and half eaten food all over his house! I bought him a laundry hamper but to no avail. When he would come over to my, then, one bedroom apartment, I would sniff out his funky worn socks all over the place—in the sheets, under the couch cushions, middle of the floor, and I even once found a dirty ass sock on my kitchen counter! That was the last straw! I decided at that moment he must not care about his stuff! I began picking up and throwing away—socks by the dozen, draws, and yes, even a Ralph Lauren Polo! Not saying I was right but I'll be damned, his dumb butt didn't even notice...talking about, "I think the dryer is eating my socks! Ha Ha!" Ugh...Men!

Possible Cure: If this sounds familiar, may I suggest that you really get him acquainted with his clutter and dirt! You might want to think about where his favorite place in the house is or his favorite thing, once you've identified it, let the experiment begin! As you collect items from the trail that he has carelessly cast along his way, start to pile them up in his favorite room. Put them on that chair he loves so much! Stack them up so high he can't see the TV, find the remote, or the play the PlayStation without rummaging through the mess! Hopefully, once he gets a whiff of the stinch or a damn bug comes flying out, he will discover the trash can and eureka!, the washer/dryer! Note: Do this at your own risk and to the level you can stand! If you are OCD this may not work. But if you want order, you may have to teach his butt this lesson!

Situation #3: THE "THAT'S WOMAN'S WORK" GUY
So we all know this one! He feels that anything domestic is woman's work! He will not cook a meal. He will not go grocery shopping. He will not do the wash dishes. If he does, he will do it half-ass so you won't ask him again! Reminds me of an episode of 'Everyone Loves Raymond' where Debra busts Ray for half-assing it when she needed help planning a wedding. This guy is the worst because not only is he lazy but he is also misogynistic!

My Experience: I remember one time I was talking to my co-worker, married with teenage boys, who was getting ready to go away on an all girls cruise! She was talking about doing last minute shopping for the trip and I said, "You got a lot going on! Plus, you got to go grocery shopping for the boys! Wow!" She said, "Girl! I ain't doing nothing extra for those grown behind men! They get potatoes and toilet paper! They can take it from there." I definitely laugh out loud and it got me thinking...hmm...

Possible Cure: If you got one of these 'I'm Man! Hear me Growl' types, here are some options. 1. If he won't cook. Wait until a day you are running late so you can draw it out! Walk in the door, give him a kiss and get right in the kitchen! Cook the meal of a lifetime but only ONE portion, make your plate, and sit down! We he comes over inquiring about dinner, sweetly say, "Aw baby! I thought you already ate! I could've sworn I smelled food when I got in! Sorry, but I left the spices, pots and pans out for you!" 2. If he won't go grocery shopping, make sure you DO NOT go shopping before a long trip, see how long he survives! 3. If he won't thoroughly wash dishes, make sure you serve his food or drink out of ones he has 'washed'! If he complains it looks dirty say, "Aw Babe, you washed them so I have faith they are clean!" Note: This may seem passive aggressive but you've tried everything else, right? So, no more arguments necessary, don't tear him down with words, build him up throw his own actions!

Now, at the end of the day, these 'cures' may or may not work but if you've exhausted all other efforts, what does it hurt to try these? And if you find that laziness is deeply embedded into his core and he has an attitude that says, I'll do what I want, when I want...Deal with it!, you may want to reevaluate yourself and what you deserve!

Leaving him IS an option. What 'cure' can leave a longer lasting effect than that?

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.