'Cure' the Lazy Man

From the title, you know this post is going to be controversial! Men are going to completely hate it but as they say nowadays…It is what it is!!!

In all honesty, I am not a fan of the word “training” when it comes to a man. It makes him sound like some kind of a pet and no real woman wants a sappy little puppy! A Real woman wants a helpful, thoughtful, proactive MAN!

With that being said, there has got to be some type of “cure” for the deliberately indolent couch potato! So when asked, ‘Can you really cure a man of that terrible disease called laziness?’ My answer remains, ‘I don’t know but I sure as hell will try!’ [mischievous smile]

PLEASE NOTE: These methods should be attempted only after you've had a sit down, adult-to-adult discussion about the indiscretion(s). Attempt this after lightweight pleading via the reminder system. Attempt these methods after you've gotten mad and nagged him half to death! And if the problem still persists after you've tried all of this…it's about time to bust out the Big Guns!!!

And thus the social experiment begins…

Situation #1: THE DON’T GOT HIS OWN GUY
He is the guy that comes over to your house and uses up whatever you got! For instance, he might not normally drink Gin, but if you got it, it’s his favorite! He likes Heineken, you got Corona, nooo problemo! He ‘don’t do pork’, but if you fry it up, all of a sudden, bacon’s yummy! Whatever it is that you got, He Likes! And he will use it up, cause well, it's free and convenient!

My Experience: I have dated this guy before! My most recent encounter was with a guy, I was seeing exclusively, that lightweight moved in on the sneak tip, staying way longer than the short visit I had anticipated! As time passed, I noticed that I was replacing my Dove soap way more rapidly than normal! Looking into his packed bag, I noticed nary a tube of toothpaste, bottle of lotion, or deodorant! So what was he planning to use? You guessed it...my stuff! And for the record, he is a BIG guy—stocky, tall, and grizzly bear hairy! How the hell did he think that Citrus Ginger Moisturizing soap and deodorant was enough to knock out MAN FUNK! But he didn't care! It was there...so why not! I can't even begin to list all the other household items, food and beverage he ran through without even thinking to replace!

Possible Cure: If you are in a relationship like this. I suggest that you get a shower caddy, like back in those college days! Put all of your favorite things in that caddy! Make sure that when you leave the bathroom you remove the caddy and store it away, out of sight! When he goes to take his shower, he will be S.O.L! He'll have to fend for himself with hot water and a paper towels! Maybe after he wears that funk for a few hours, he will think to get his own toiletries! Note: This can work in other areas too! You will have to commit to hiding things around the house, which sucks for you—believe me, I know! But, if you want to cure him of his dependency, you will have to push the bird out the nest and see if he prospers!

Situation #2: THE HANSEL/GRETEL GUY
This is the guy that leaves sh!t everywhere he steps! Tell-tale signs that "He Was Here" are everywhere! He leaves clothes, food, and just mess all over the place like he is leaving a trail to find his way...out the damn door! Dirty dishes can be found in the most obscure places like under the bed or in the garage! WHY!?! How hard is it to throw used wrappers and containers away? Why leave empty bottle in the refrigerator? This right here is Grade A Laziness! You find yourself following down behind him picking up crap! All the while trying to stifle the colossal 'cuss out' you're on the verge of giving and asking yourself if this is the life you want?

My Experience: I once dated a man that was just disgusting when it can to this! I would find offensive smelling undergarments and half eaten food all over his house! I bought him a laundry hamper but to no avail. When he would come over to my, then, one bedroom apartment, I would sniff out his funky worn socks all over the place—in the sheets, under the couch cushions, middle of the floor, and I even once found a dirty ass sock on my kitchen counter! That was the last straw! I decided at that moment he must not care about his stuff! I began picking up and throwing away—socks by the dozen, draws, and yes, even a Ralph Lauren Polo! Not saying I was right but I'll be damned, his dumb butt didn't even notice...talking about, "I think the dryer is eating my socks! Ha Ha!" Ugh...Men!

Possible Cure: If this sounds familiar, may I suggest that you really get him acquainted with his clutter and dirt! You might want to think about where his favorite place in the house is or his favorite thing, once you've identified it, let the experiment begin! As you collect items from the trail that he has carelessly cast along his way, start to pile them up in his favorite room. Put them on that chair he loves so much! Stack them up so high he can't see the TV, find the remote, or the play the PlayStation without rummaging through the mess! Hopefully, once he gets a whiff of the stinch or a damn bug comes flying out, he will discover the trash can and eureka!, the washer/dryer! Note: Do this at your own risk and to the level you can stand! If you are OCD this may not work. But if you want order, you may have to teach his butt this lesson!

Situation #3: THE "THAT'S WOMAN'S WORK" GUY
So we all know this one! He feels that anything domestic is woman's work! He will not cook a meal. He will not go grocery shopping. He will not do the wash dishes. If he does, he will do it half-ass so you won't ask him again! Reminds me of an episode of 'Everyone Loves Raymond' where Debra busts Ray for half-assing it when she needed help planning a wedding. This guy is the worst because not only is he lazy but he is also misogynistic!

My Experience: I remember one time I was talking to my co-worker, married with teenage boys, who was getting ready to go away on an all girls cruise! She was talking about doing last minute shopping for the trip and I said, "You got a lot going on! Plus, you got to go grocery shopping for the boys! Wow!" She said, "Girl! I ain't doing nothing extra for those grown behind men! They get potatoes and toilet paper! They can take it from there." I definitely laugh out loud and it got me thinking...hmm...

Possible Cure: If you got one of these 'I'm Man! Hear me Growl' types, here are some options. 1. If he won't cook. Wait until a day you are running late so you can draw it out! Walk in the door, give him a kiss and get right in the kitchen! Cook the meal of a lifetime but only ONE portion, make your plate, and sit down! We he comes over inquiring about dinner, sweetly say, "Aw baby! I thought you already ate! I could've sworn I smelled food when I got in! Sorry, but I left the spices, pots and pans out for you!" 2. If he won't go grocery shopping, make sure you DO NOT go shopping before a long trip, see how long he survives! 3. If he won't thoroughly wash dishes, make sure you serve his food or drink out of ones he has 'washed'! If he complains it looks dirty say, "Aw Babe, you washed them so I have faith they are clean!" Note: This may seem passive aggressive but you've tried everything else, right? So, no more arguments necessary, don't tear him down with words, build him up throw his own actions!

Now, at the end of the day, these 'cures' may or may not work but if you've exhausted all other efforts, what does it hurt to try these? And if you find that laziness is deeply embedded into his core and he has an attitude that says, I'll do what I want, when I want...Deal with it!, you may want to reevaluate yourself and what you deserve!

Leaving him IS an option. What 'cure' can leave a longer lasting effect than that?

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.