So Long Ms. Softee Pants!

"Hello. My Name is The S.B. and I am a Softee Pants!"
and for my fellow Softees out there, please relpy, "Hi S.B."

This is hard for me to admit because I pride myself on being no nonsense. I DON’T TAKE NO CRAP…so I thought…

But, upon further review, I have some pushover tendencies and I do not like it! I know somewhere, my best girlfriend, The Doc, is reading this with that, “I told to so” smirk. But the first step to recovery is admitting that you have an issue.

My issue is that I struggle with being the bad guy. No matter what, I don’t want to be looked at as this crazy bitch that ruined everything. If any of you caught the blog I wrote last night, you will notice that today it is gone. The blog was aimed at an Ex of mine that is sending me subliminal hate through innuendo on FB and other social mediums. But, I removed it because it was written out of anger and not representative of what I want to be about. Even though, every word was true, I removed it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But why do I care?

Though, I still feel it was the right thing to do morally, my initial thought was more about looking like a mean girl. It is easy to be seen as an evil tyrant when you are in a position of power. When he and I ended, he still wanted us to give it a go and I was the one that resisted. I knew that he wasn’t the one but instead of saying that firmly, I conceded to his wants and agreed to the “let’s take a step back in hopes of moving forward” approach. That wasn’t what I wanted but it made him more comfortable with our break and the plus was I didn’t look like the villain. This would have worked too, until he wanted to become friends with benefits…but that is a story for another time.

This Softee Pants problem has been plaguing me for years. There are countless occasions where I have found myself in peculiar situations because I didn’t want to come off a certain way. A few of these situations stick out in my mind vividly.

I found myself dating a man, whom I questioned his sexuality, about 6 months longer than I should have. I couldn’t break it off because he expressed that he was “so in love” with me and I didn’t want to break his heart—again in a position of power. The consequence of staying was that I was unable to “love” him the way he wanted and he ended up becoming verbally abusive because of it and for a while, I feared him. It should have never gotten that far.

Another incident where I let this innate need (aka SofteePantness) to protect the male ego take me over, occurred when I continued to date a guy after 10 months when he couldn’t perform at all in the bedroom (complete stage fright). I didn’t want to make him more nervous by continuously bringing up my concerns, so I laid back and waited for him to initiate the conversation. When that never happened, eventually I grew disinterested. By the time I was ready to move on, he was more into me then ever and Softee Pants me, wasted more time by hanging in an extra 1.5 months because I didn’t want to “destroy” him while he was going through tough times. When we made our finally split it was not on good terms. He hates me because he feels I left when he needed me most. This may have been avoided if I had been less yielding when the problem first began to persist…

You would think after all these years I would have learned my lesson. But even in 2010, I still struggle with this issue of being the bad guy. Hell, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I got into a relationship too soon with someone because it is what HE wanted. I wanted more time—more time to explore, date, and get to know him. He wanted the relationship right now, right now. We were on vacay with 5 days left when he asked me to be exclusive—how could I say NO at that juncture! But I should have because here we are today—me not speaking to him and him using FB as a launching pad for his Kanye Heartbreak and 808s Hate Campaign against me.

I am now learning that it is not “nice” to be Mrs. Nice Gal at the expense of honesty. I have hurt people, myself included, by trying to spare feelings and save face—convincing myself that I can adapt to the any situation as long as they are happy. Regrettably, that never works! You have to make yourself happy first!

I think the hearts of the Softee Pants types are in the right place. But we all know that the path to destruction is usually paved with good intentions. My intentions are intact but my methods need improvement, so from this day on, no more Ms. Softee Pants! I now prefer to be called Ms. Do-the-Right-Thing!

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.


***PS: The pic is just for you Doc ;)