The Kissing Game

I have been dating this guy for the past month now. So far we have been on 10 dates…yeah 10 dates! Real ones at that! We’ve been bowling, to the zoo, a comedy show, amusement park, and a festival in the park to name a few. These dates have all been his idea and he takes charge of the planning, transportation, and, most times, the bill! [I’ve paid on a few occasions because so far, he deserves it—topic for another blog]

Of course, like with any new friendships, I have some concerns which I will also address in a later blog. But for right now, I am having fun! So much so, that I really want to move slow and savor each moment. Being that I just came out of a situation, I do not want to complicate things sooner than necessary. This leads me to the point of this post.

Is it weird that we have not kissed yet? Am I moving too slowly? What if we go for it and he is not a good kisser? And, once you have kissed someone, doesn’t the following question inevitably become “what’s next?”

I can sense that he really wants this kiss, but I am extra shy about it. There is a lot of pressure surrounding this rather simple act of affection. I like where we are right now; our connection is so pure and innocent. I am not ready to make the tough decisions that follow once things get physical. I am concerned this little disply will open the flood gates and I will be thrust into something complex. Like Ryan Leslie says, “Once the freakin’ begins, that’s the end of the innocence.”

Maybe this seems elementary. I’m sure some of you are probably thinking C’mon S.B.! It’s just a Kiss! It’s not that serious! Well, unfortunately, at this phase of my life, it is for me! Let’s break a few things down shall we! These are reasons why I am hesitant:

1. I am not particularly big on kissing. Well, let me clarify, I am not big on mouth-to-mouth action with just anybody. The mouth gets around and can be dirty. When I am doing some serious DNA swapping, it is very intimate; I am exchanging a major part of myself! I like to kiss fresh mouths, with soft lips, that haven’t been pressed against several people I know. If any of these things are in question, I am easily turned off.

2. He finds my coyness to be sweet and intriguing…for now. I find that men try harder to thrive in an environment where they are presented with a challenge. Giving into him too quickly may make him lose interest but so could dangling the carrot for too long. This is balancing act I must master. I want us both to get what we want, but in a timely fashion suitable to our needs.

3. He brought up the topic of the “perfect kiss”. He said he never had a Hustle n Flow/Taraji n Terrence type of kiss. If I have, I can’t remember it. But the perfect kiss for me is passionate—sweet but firm; more lip than tongue. What if he is sloppy or rushed? I would hate to second guess our connection at this stage because he is a poor performer. I believe you can find a lot of clarity in a kiss. Plus, if the intensity of our kissing reaches the movie status, what would prevent him from attempting to lay me down? Will shear will-power be enough to stop me? Leading me to my next point…

4. How long (measured in months and days) can I really expect to be kissing up on this man and heavy petting until some sex or expectation of sex is going to be had? Dry humping and getting all worked up for nothing is for teenagers. At this age, why put myself in this situation if I’m firm on my intentions. And speaking of intentions…

5. Sex or even the discussion of sex will always bring up the topic of monogamy! I am in no rush for that considering I am still in casual dating mode, still flirting with The Flame and lightly entertaining the pursuit of an old homeboy, The Artist. Right through here, it’s just not looking like I will be ready to “get busy” anytime soon nor am I looking to call yet another man I’m unsure of my boyfriend. Plus, I have a ‘one penis at a time’ rule and in this instance, I am, kind of, still holding out for a fantasy romp with The Flame. He has been on my bucket list of sorts since 1999! [only half joking...lol]

Hopefully, now you understand with I’m at an impasse. My hang out partner extraordinaire saw me and Mr. 10 Dates together the other night. We both noticed how much attention he gets from the ladies and with a side eye, she told me not to rush to any conclusions. Just have fun and go with the flow. Doing what I feel is right should lead me in the right direction. Good advice, but I know I don’t have forever before the stream dries up! In an attempt to live without walls, maybe I can give a little. *kanye shrug*

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.