A Sweet Epiphany: I AM LIBERATED!

So this one is mainly for my beautiful, smart, hardworking, and SINGLE ladies over 25 but really the sentiment applies to all.

The other the day I was having one of my usual conversations with my girl, The Doc. We were doing our typical run down—how is school, work, love life? Did you hear about so and so, etc, etc…but at the end of our chat she says to me, “Girl, I don’t know what it is but you sound different?” I smile and reply, “How so?” She proceeds to tell me that I just seem to have a lot of joy in my voice, like I have a new lease on life…“you just sound so FREE!”

And just like that, an epiphany! I AM LIBERATED!

It has taken me so long to get to this point in my adult life. I’ve struggled through years of insecurity, passiveness, pretending and overcompensating in bad relationships! I’ve wore the crown of Ms. Softee Pants and seen plenty of time pass just standing on the sidelines waiting for something to happen…anything! This relates to both personal and professional aspects of my life!

In 2009, I declared that 2010 would be my year and that I would live fearlessly. That sounded cute at the time but I brought so much of the “same ole” in with the ringing of the New Year that nothing had really changed. Actually it got worse. For some reason I was confined by these thoughts that the age 29 was the 11th hour of my very being. I felt that if I don’t find my husband this year then I never would. If I didn’t start my masters program this year then I am a failure professionally. (I did however start my masters program…thank God!)

Now, I don’t talk about this much, but by the 2nd quarter of the year, I felt myself slipping into a slight depression. I really thought that I was going nuts and all my goals were just out of reach. This overwhelming melancholy was stampeding upon me even with the onset of a new relationship in the wings; a time when most people would be ecstatic. But, as my birthday approached, I became more and more desperate to fulfill my timeline and cross out items on my checklist. However, I masked it with a happy face, keeping my deep rooted fears of becoming a spinster secret.

I had once joked that I was tired of dating and whoever I was with on my 29th Birthday was going to be the one—no matter what! Jokingly I laughed, “Hey, people marry for less so I’m just going to make it happen!” Mind you, this was all in jest…so I thought! But at the first opportunity to make it a reality, I had the audacity to jump! This quickly became a disastrous decision! Not only because we rushed, but because we were just downright incompatible and as he recently pointed out to me during a heated debate, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME, BOSS!” He is right, I don’t know him; I definitely was lead to believe something different than what I got!

Thinking back though, I am so grateful for that misstep and its timing! It was just the wakeup call I needed! Our relationship can be likened to the Jigsaw Killer from the movie Saw, just less gory and insane! I know you are scratching your head but follow me now. Jigsaw, after a failed suicide attempt, experienced a new respect for life. He then set out to put others through trials to help them appreciate their own lives by trying their will and testing them with their very own perceived flaws.

I hope you are still with me because, to me, this makes perfect sense. My biggest flaw in relationships is letting my fears and pressure to uphold timelines blur my focus. Our situation came at a time when I was the absolute most fearful and skeptical of my future. Unfortunately for us, there were significant downfalls during our interactions with one another. But fortunately for me, those pitfalls showed me exactly what I would not and could not settle for. I was on the brink of giving up my heart’s desires just because I was getting too old? Too tired? Too scared to wait for what God has in store for me. That is unacceptable!

But somehow, I was pulled out of the haze and faith was put on my heart! I know that my husband will find me as he should and God will ordain the rest! I know this because I am no longer walking by sight. So with that revelation I am finally FREE!

I am genuinely happy in this, my moment of singleness! It is noticeable and refreshing! And ladies, please know that Liberation is so attractive! It must be because as soon as I freed myself of many insecurities, became assertive, and learned to enjoy my beautiful life—I met someone! Now I refuse to rush this thing we’re developing or come to any conclusions! But I can say I’m content with the friendship and having the time of my life! He most definitely contributes to the type of courtship I’ve dreamt about as a youngster! (Next month—Hot Air Balloon! Who knew men outside of TV thought of that!)

So here I stand—LIBERATED, HAPPY, PATIENT! I implore all my ladies that are currently in the place I was a few months ago to Liberate yourself! Throw out the pressure of timelines, baggage, doubts, or any other constraints that keep you from living life to the fullest!

Remember Single Season:

§ Is a time to really get to know yourself.
§ Is a time explore your options .
§ Is a time to reevaluate and validate someone’s position in your life! No validation, you must find
the strength to say goodbye!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Step out on faith! Single is not a death sentence (even at 25+)…It is just the start of something great! Liberation is calling you!

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

—The S.B.