Pretty. Face. Con.

Story Time...

I went back to my old stomping ground this weekend for a wedding! It was beautiful and I was glad to share in my friend's day. However, this post ain't about that!

So anywho, while I was there as luck would have it, I run into this fool I haven't talked to or even thought of in over five years...

Now unfortunately for unsuspecting ladies, the brotha is still fine! He's about 6'4, a muscular 225, and looks like a young Rick Fox! But that's about where the niceties end. His character is despicable. He's an arrogant, pompous, misogynistic, pathological LIAR!

I met him at a popular lounge in the heart of the city! It was a swanky place that was more upscale than other spots I had visited with my homegirl, who just so happened to be 10 years older, so I hung to her every word.

Though the spot was classy, most men there didn't interest me. One night, I walked in, cute dress with just enough cleavage showing to be noticed but subtle enough for any man to consider introducing me to his mom, but I digress. Anyway, when I get in line, I immediately noticed him. Hard to miss his sexy! He obviously noticed me too because before I could even pull out my ID, he grabbed my hand and pulled me and my homegirl out of line pass security. For the rest of the night he bought drinks and appetizers...showing off his Big Willie status.

We had brief spurts of conversation over the music but I wasn't overly impressed. He was handsome yes, but very cocky and sarcastic. Some of his jokes seemed mean spirited and I overall felt like he wanted me to know that I'm cute...but not that cute and he gets what he wants. When it came time to exchange numbers, I was hesitant, but my girl said, "Are you crazy? He's fine! He bought drinks! He's FINE! Stop being so damn picky!!!" That word picky hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I was being extra. I had been living in the city for 3 months, so far he was my most viable option! So I said okay and he set a date!

I thought our first date was perfect! We walk around the Isle and then got ice cream. All in all a nice inexpensive outing. He was a year older than me and he had a managerial position with an IT company and he also managed the lounge on weekends. Plus he had a bad ass fully loaded Saab and owned a house! I wondered how he achieved all this success at such a young age but it made me all the more intrigued.

By the end of our date, he said that we had something special and asked me to be his girlfriend! PAUSE! Huh? Now I was thinking he was crazy and I should dismiss him but 'too picky' played on repeat in the back of my mind. I suggested we date a little while before we make that decision.

He agreed and asked me to go to the movies a week later. When we get to the theatre he conveniently forgets his wallet and proceeds to sneak in. Now I'm really looking at him with the side eye because what "successful" man does this? His stories just ain't adding up. Not to mention that earlier in the week he brought lunch to my job, swore on the bible he made it! But it definitely came from a restaurant frequented. Why lie?

Another week passes and he gets more persistent about us being a couple. When I declined he declared he would not take me on another date until I was his girlfriend. We got into a brief back and forth via text until I just decided this was not worth my time and I went to sleep.

At 2:00 AM, I was jarred awake by the blaring of Beethoven's Symphony #5 in C Minor! See, this is the ringtone I selected for all unwanted calls...restricted, unavailable, and bug-a-boos! In my delirious state I picked up anyway. On the other end of the line, I hear a soft sobbing voice asking if I was the Serial Bachelorette. I reply yes as she proceeds to ask me how I know her boyfriend, The Con Artist. Now my first instinct was to hang up on her cuz I don't like foolishness but she sounded so pitiful that I decided to engage her. She tells me how they got together after a few dates how he has borrowed thousands of dollars from her. I told her the truth about us. We were dating but not physical. He never mentioned a girlfriend. He's a liar, I'm sorry for her, and I will never talk to him again. I hang up and go to back to sleep.

At 7:00 AM, Beethoven is on them keys again! WTF!?! I pick up mad this time! "Is this the Serial Bachelorette? And what is your involvement with my boyfriend" I say, "Look! What do you want now! We have already discussed this! Don't call me again!" Then I hear, "NO, we haven't! That was Angela...the girl who called ME last night...she gave me your number!" WOW!

This is out of hand! Too much tomfoolery for a man that I thought was full of shyt from jump street! But I am curious so I engage her as well. Come to find out, he doesn't have a real job, he sometimes is a bouncer at the club, 'his' Saab belongs to her and she reported it stolen, AND to top it off, he lives with both her and the other girl! again...WOW! At this point, I am lucky that all the Con Artist got me for was an old R. Kelly CD! It was my favorite R. album though...

Sure he called and pleaded his case; says the girls were friends that worked at Nextel and hacked his account to retrieve messages. Sure his lies were more pathetic than his newly homeless self! And sure as hell, from that moment on, I learned to trust my gut! If I would have been blinded by his 1000 watt smile, and let him wife me up from the door, who knows how much he would have tried to shake me down for...Thank Goodness for my well timed skepticism!

When I saw him this weekend and tried to slip by unnoticed, he had the audacity to grab my arm and say, "Hey Stranger! You still got the same number?" I guess the true Con Artist never gives up! Have you been fooled by a pretty face lately...

Thank you for taking this journey with me!

Relax, Relate, Release...

—The S.B.