Don't Want That Tonight...

...or on the regular for that matter!

See, I believe that sex, intimacy, and affection are very important in a relationship. I want to keep my man satisfied and show him that he is appreciated. Plus it feels good and burns calories at the same time!

However, as a woman, it is very easy to lose interest in intimacy when things are not in alignment. See for us, it is way more than just the physical—Sex is essentially EMOTION in MOTION. How we feel directly impacts how we act! We need to feel sexy, wanted, and secure. Those are the things that open the flood gates and once you’ve been in your situation for a minute that’s was what keeps it flowing. When the intimacy starts to fizzle it’s time to take a deeper look!

Here are reasons why I, myself, have lost interest in being intimate with a partner:

1. He Becomes a Man Child—no woman wants this! Especially a woman that doesn't have kids! See, I am looking for a partner to share my life with...chores, bills, and other responsibilities included. When it comes to sharing my domicile, a man not proactively picking up after himself, offering to pay a bill, or buying groceries is unacceptable. If I have to continuously remind/nag my man about these seemingly effortless things, then I begin to look at him like I would a child and then I become mean mommy...and as Miranda of Sex in the City once said, "Who wants to f*ck mean mommy?" And guess what? I don't want to f*ck YOU…no not tonight!

2. He Begins to Take You for Granted—I am not obligated to cook, clean, and service you sexually. Women do these things because they care and want to make their man feel special. Attention to all Men: The more you give the more you get! And please believe the sex will be put on pause when you start getting too comfortable with the routine and no longer recognize your woman's efforts. Fewer things makes me feel less sexy than coming home after work to someone who is already there demanding a hot plate and pawing all over me in the process. Please save your aggressive sexual pursuit for a day when YOU actually cook ME a meal thanks!

3. He Starts Slippin’—Men can slip in many ways…hygiene, general upkeep, minimal romantic gestures, foreplay, etc. When a man starts to sleep on his hygiene that is a big turn off. Like why do some men get in relationships and feel it is OK to wear that same funky armpit stained used-to-be white T-Shirt for days on in. Or why do they think it is now OK to grow that scratchy lumberjack beard and forego weekly barbershop trips…who told you that was cute! Hell if I’m expected to keep it tight—hair done, pedicure, legs shaved, box waxed—why would you think I don’t want the same courtesy? And don’t get me started on foreplay… PLEASE NOTE: Foreplay is NOT just restricted to those few minutes before the 'get down' in the bedroom. Foreplay begins with mental stimulation! You could begin in the AM with breakfast and carry it out with sweet epithets throughout the day! These simple gestures would actually make me want to participate in intimacy exercises with you not just feel obligated!

So fellas, if your sex life is dwindling with your lady maybe you should ask the hard questions. Do I fall into one or more of these categories? If the answer is yes, then might I suggest you step outside of your comfort zone…you gotta do strange for some CHANGE! So go buy those special ‘I appreciate you’ roses on a Tuesday and cook her favorite meal! I am sure the ‘thank you’ sex will be amazing!

Please let me know your thoughts? What makes you feel less than amorous with your significant other?

Thank you for taking this journey with me!
Relax, Relate, Release!

—The S.B.